Month 2 of quarantine and we’re all as grumpy as ever (or maybe it’s just me): on fatherhood, anger management, nostalgia, music and swell trips
I put on deodorant yesterday. For the
first time in 34 days.
Now, that I’ve got your attention, let’s
get cracking.
By this point, we’re all starting to
crack – or crack up – if we haven’t already. No matter what your state or
condition during the lockdown, it’s bound to be affecting you in one way or
another. Have you reached your
breaking point yet?
In this post, a couple of brief stories
about anger management and fatherhood; a couple of pretty shitty links to
share, along with some ‘acquired taste’ comedy; and a ‘panic at the
supermarket’ article that is much more uplifting and enlightening than you
think. (if you’re looking for some of the best kind of panic, you could do worse
than listen to this: the best type of panic)
All this, plus I rekindle my inner music
journalist by sharing a ‘get through the pandemic’ chill-out playlist and wax
nostalgic about the good old days of mix tapes and my teenage years.
Not to sound too flippant about this,
because it’s a sensitive, traumatic time for so many of us, but I think I’m one
of the lucky ones when it comes to ‘social distancing’. As a fairly curmudgeonly
and cantankerous anti-social old fart, I think I’m surviving more or less okay,
though it’s still not easy getting work done with a little toddler toddling
about the flat looking to cause trouble any which way she can.
Before fatherhood, when I worried about
the anxiety it might cause, people often told me that I’d ‘mellow out’ and
learn to ‘chill’ a bit more, than I’d be able to ‘channel’ my misanthropy in a
more positive way. (As a disclaimer, let me just say for the umpteenth time
that I frequently embellish the state of my misanthropy for comedic and
dramatic effect. I play it up, no doubt. Make sure that’s duly noted.)
Have I mellowed out? Like f*** I have.
Two tales of walks out with my daughter:
1 Just outside an apartment building the
other day, there was a little flowerbed. She’s really into flowers at the
moment, and since the poor thing can’t go to playgrounds, she’s happy just to
doddle about touching flowers and pointing at every flower she sees.
In this little garden, she was a very
well-behaved little girl, kneeling down to smell the flowers but not touch
them. She knows which flowers to touch and which not. She didn’t touch any of
them, only sniffed them.
A man came out, and for my Ukrainian
audience, you would probably refer to him as a гопник, or something like a chav
or a townie. In Scotland, he’d be a ned. (I’m aware that I’m verging on the
politically incorrect here, but shit, oops, I’m cracking up like the rest of
us).
Anyway, this ruffian was none too happy,
and started bollocking my poor little girl, who to her credit, looked at him
fairly nonplussed and started to casually saunter off. I don’t know what he was
going on about, but he was accusing her of touching the flowers – I think, what
the hell else could it be? – and I was having none of it. As I mentioned not so
long ago in another post, when I get angry or annoyed, I resort to a
demonstrative, assertive style of English, where my displeasure is clear, even
if the clear meaning of what I am saying is not. My language may also not be
very appropriate at times.
I responded thus: ‘Look pal, I know this
quarantine is getting to you, but just go back upstairs, sit down, watch your
shitty TV and eat your семечки (sunflower seeds). This will all be over soon,
and you can go back to your shitty little job, if you even had one to begin
with, okay.’
His only response was ‘nyet, nyet, nyet
okay, nyet okay.’
Am I a jerk? Yeah, probably. But we’re
all cracking up.
2 This is a regular occurrence, but
these damn delivery cyclists – and this has nothing to do with the quarantine,
this goes back a year or two – who go blasting on their bikes through the
underpasses, round the corners without any notice or warning, almost knocking
us off our feet. One of these days they’re going to slam into us and god help
the sorry sack of s*** who does. I don’t know what my reaction might be. One
came with an inch of us the other day and my heart was pounding and palpitating
and I almost had conniptions. Get off your damn bikes and walk.
And in the meantime, join us in our
boycott of any of the local delivery services, notably Glovo, who are the worst
offenders.
I used to think ‘if they fall off their
bikes and hurt themselves, serves them right.’
And now? I’d best not share what I
really think.
Am I a jerk? Yeah, probably. But we’re
all cracking up.
We all need to chill out.
The solution to pandemic angst and malaise:
Part 1
A couple of shitty links:
1 All mammals poop in 12 seconds and
there’s an equation for the ‘duration of diarrheal defecation’ (Popular Science)
2 On Pooping in the Dark—No Lights, No
Phones, No Distractions
A bowel movement, above all human
projects, is the body’s way of making time for the mind to roam. (
The solution to pandemic angst and malaise:
Part 2
A couple of comedic videos, which may or
may not be acquired tastes:
1 From Dougie Anderson, radio and TV
presenter, dapper gentleman and one of the funniest Scots around. This is the
hardest I’ve laughed in quite some time.
Timber: This short film is a comedic
look at loneliness and in particular one man’s quest to understand and find
love.
2 What if Wes Anderson, who is not
Scottish, directed football matches (in Scotland)?
(there’s a Tarantino version as well,
you’ll see it if you look)
Read more about it. Embrace it. From a
food perspective, and how ‘panic buying’ is affecting the way we look at food
and how we cook. I promise you, this is not depressing.
Panic! At the supermarket: how covid-19
rewrote the shopping list
From stockpiling Sprite to
#coronavirusbaking, our relationship with food has gone to pot. (1843)
The solution to pandemic angst and malaise:
Part 4
Music therapy
The other day even our little toddler
was suffering and cracking up from the quarantine. She was cranky, irritable
and at times like this, music is usually a salve. But the usual upbeat dance
beats were having no effect. She’s at the stage where she loves saying ‘nyet,
nyet, no, no, no’ to many things. I was getting exasperated when I put on an
old classic from my teenage years: Mazzy Star, ‘Fade Into You’.
And from there, we listened to the next
few songs on the album and she went into a blissful, peace and serene state of
calm, her head on my shoulder as we slow-danced round the flat.
That set me off on a trip down memory
lane and inspired me to put together my own ‘Swell Trip Tape 2020’, a
chill-out, calming playlist to ease our nerves and soothe our angst.
The name is inspired by my good pal
Andrew’s mixtape from high school, the original ‘Swell Trip Tape’ (dear readers,
if you know why it was given this name, great. If not, it’s better that way.
I’m sure that at least 6 of my readers will know what the hell I’m talking
about).
That Swell Trip Tape, and the subsequent
iterations and variations of it, kept us going through high school and even
over summers and winter holidays throughout university.
If you’re at or around my age – or older
– you will probably have your own mix [cassette] tape memories. There was
nothing cooler, more memorable, magical or even, when the situation dictated,
romantic than making a mix tape. My god, the hours and hours and thought I
would put into these things. Everything had to be perfect: selecting the right
songs depending on the recipient, choosing songs with the right lyrics and
message, thinking carefully about the order – so, so important – agonizing over
which songs would make the cut (we’re talking 90 minute tapes) and which would
barely miss out, making sure the timing was right so the song wouldn’t cut off,
making sure we adhered to the self-imposed rule of only one song from one band
or singer – though I did break that once or twice, shame on me. I would then
often make a copy for myself, and a good portion of these tapes were just for
me, or us, in the case of Andrew and I.
Man, the memories. I still have all
these mix tapes and the dozens I got from friends and former flames back home,
in various shoe boxes, and I listen to them from time to time when I go back
home. There was nothing like listening over and over, wearing out the tape,
rewinding to re-listen to a particular favourite ad infinitum, and they were
ultimately irreplaceable. I wonder how many of my ‘recipients’ – that word
reeks of over-formality – still have theirs. Plenty of ex-girlfriends got given
them, but also plenty of plain old, good friends. They had wildly varying
themes, veering from love songs – never anything cheesy, I hope – to my ‘doom
and gloom’ mix to poor attempts at upbeat, happy mixes. My last year of high
school, I made the same mix tape of my favourite tracks for about 15 of my
closest friends, some of whom may even be reading this. If so, do please let me
know if you still listen to these. I certainly do. (I wonder how many of those
songs and bands I still listen to.)
(and for the record, Katie’s mixes were
always the best, by far)
Fast forward to the present day and what
do people do now? Make mp3 playlists? I have made a few mix CDs but those just
aren’t the same. Not at all. Playlists are nice, but really lacking in any
special ‘warmth’. The process, and the making of the tapes, were all part of
the joy.
(Probably the coolest gift I’ve ever
received from a student, or anyone for that matter? One of my teenage students,
Yuri, made me a mix tape of his/our favourite songs a few years ago. We had
very similar taste and that’s one of the best damn mix tapes I’ve ever had,
some 15 years after the time people gave up making mix tapes. Hell, Yuri, you
probably weren’t even born when I made my last mix tape!)
This video captures some of the magic of
mixtapes, though I certainly never made any when I was this age:
Back to Mazzy Star – ‘Fade into You’ was
one of the biggest hits from the Swell Trip Tape. And that is what triggered
the trip – ha ha – down memory lane and led me to create the Swell Trip Tape
2020…playlist. Would that I could make a proper mix tape, but hell…
I won’t add commentary to it, as my
music writing days are far behind me and it would just sound trite and turgid.
The last time I wrote about music with any sense of purpose or serious intent
was during my last days at university, just before graduation. In fact, one of
my final – and perhaps even the final – article I ever wrote, was the review of
Plam Poom for my university newspaper that I shared about 2 years ago. And in
the picture that accompanies the article, you’ll see Andrew on the left, the
creator of the original Swell Trip Tape, in a pretty wretched state.
Go on, have a [re-]read:
I can’t remember exactly what songs were
on it and whether I even have a copy of it lurking somewhere, so my 2020
playlist is not at all intended to replicate it. But in creating an updated
list, a few ground rules:
* in keeping with the spirit of the
times – especially the nostalgia element – nothing after 1998, the year I
graduated university, made the cut. (although the last mixtape I made was in
December 2002, it had become a dying art by then and I was one of the last
stalwarts).
* at the time the original Swell Trip
Tape was made (1993? 1994?), many of these new songs didn’t exist.
* the 1998 cut-off means that a lot of
great post-rock, one of my favourite genres, is almost entirely missing. Some of
these acts, which are perfect for a swell trip tape, missed out: Sigur Rós,
M83, Múm, Mogwai, Godspeed! You Black Emperor and Hammock.
* the ‘chill-out’ label is a bit
misleading. This is not a ‘4am in the lounge of a trance club’, Ibiza, Club
Med, smoking shisha type of mix. There are heavy, scratchy guitars that may
sound a bit grating to some ears, but are ethereally blissful to others. Some
of the early 90s ‘shoe-gazers’, like Slowdive, My Bloody Valentine and Ride,
are here.
* on the original Swell Trip Tape, or
any other collaborative mixtapes, Andrew wouldn’t have even considered allowing
the likes of New Order and the Pet Shop Boys on. But this is my mix now, damn
it.
* everything on this has to exist in my
iTunes – most of which comes from my physical CDs. If I don’t own it, it’s not
here.
* I intended to keep this at around 90
minutes, like in the old days when we didn’t have a choice, but I’ve allowed
myself quite a bit of leeway here. It started out at 55 songs and I managed to
whittle it down to 32, clocking in at around 150 minutes. So, just a tad over
the original mixtape length.
* if there’s a way to share this, and
you’re interested, I can try to. Otherwise, I suppose there are ways to set up
a youtube playlist if you want to experience the same.
* there are no doubt a few borderline
cases but the final result seems decent enough.
* as with the original, there’s a strict
1 song per artist rule, although there is kind of an exception, which I think
is entirely justifiable
* the order was well-thought out and is
important
* the first two tracks are definitely
from the original
The Swell Trip Tape 2020
Side 1: smooth and mellifluous
Mazzy Star ‘Fade Into You’
Tommy James & the Shondells ‘Crimson
and Clover’
Lightning Seeds ‘Perfect’
Portishead ‘It’s a Fire’
Françoise Hardy ‘Ce petit coeur’
The Velvet Underground ‘I’ll Be Your
Mirror’
Angelo Badalamenti ‘Falling’ (from Twin
Peaks)
The Cure ‘Pictures of You’
OMD ‘Souvenir’ (Moby Remix Edit)
Joy Division ‘Atmosphere’
New Order ‘Your Silent Face’
Pet Shop Boys ‘Jealousy’
Mercury Rev ‘Opus 40’
Smashing Pumpkins ‘Tonight, Tonight’
The Jesus & Mary Chain ‘Sometimes
Always’ *
Mojave 3 ‘Love Songs on the Radio’
Side 2: crunchy and scratchy
Spiritualized ‘Ladies and Gentleman We
Are Floating in Space’
The Stone Roses ‘I Wanna Be Adored’
Cranes ‘Shining Road’
Placebo ‘Teenage Angst’
INXS ‘Never Tear Us Apart’
Eurythmics ‘Here Comes the Rain Again’
The Orb ‘Little Fluffy Clouds’
Slowdive ‘Catch the Breeze’
My Bloody Valentine ‘Sometimes’
Radiohead ‘Let Down’
Pulp ‘This is Hardcore’
Suede ‘The Wild Ones’
Saint Etienne ‘Avenue’
U2 ‘One’ *
The Verve ‘History’
Kent ‘747’
* featuring Hope Sandoval from Mazzy
Star
** it was an incident with this song as
part of the background soundtrack that prompted Andrew to write in my yearbook
the comment ‘I don’t know whether to say ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘you’re welcome’ for
corrupting you.
Don’t like this playlist? Fine, but please
don’t do this to me:
A solemn and forlorn ending
In remembrance of Easter, I’ll share
this old treasure from the past, written some 9 years ago. Re-reading it, I can’t
believe I shared so much and parts of it are cringeworthy, but I’m leaving it as
is. Towards the end I revisit fond memories of my first Easter in Ukraine, in 2006
in Lviv. I got a bit misty-eyed as I reminisced on that time, but then I am a
maudlin old fool even at the best of times. Not an Easter has passed since then
when I don’t remember some of my old, dear friends, including a former friend
and colleague who is no longer with us.
I'm getting nostalgic just reading the track names. I can hear them without listening, and I can even detect the message that you are sending with this one, a cry for help, but also a wistful pang of longing. But I must note a lack of Welsh acts in your list, and that a GZM, MSP, SFA, or hell, even Underworld track could round out that mid-late-nineties sound. Well, I guess John Cale is in there... but not exactly 90s.
ReplyDeleteAs some strange coincidence, recently I have been listening to a lot of Mazzy Star. But mostly Among My Swan, which we've learned, amongst their catalogue, is a sleep aide for kiddo. I almost wrote to see if you saw that David Roback had died at the end of this Feb. Sad -- he was highly underappreciated.
Keep pooping Dan!
I admit, it was hearing the news about David Roback that initially triggered those wistful pangs and I can't believe I failed to mention it in the post. For a couple of days afterwards I meant to listen to a bit of Mazzy Star but just sort of 'never got round to it.'
DeleteThere were some tough omissions, but I really wanted to keep the length down. I'm not sure how I failed to leave Born Slippy off, come to think of it, that's almost inexcusable. But the last two cuts from the list were Emiliana Torrini ('Baby Blue') and GZM ('Starmoonsun'). SFA was a tough one because all the songs I wanted to include were '99 or later ('Fire in my Heart' and 'It's not the end of the world'). I really struggled with what to take from 'Fuzzy Logic' or 'Radiator' - 'Down a Different River'? 'She's Got Spies'? -and nothing just seemed to fit in. I'm afraid MSP was never near the short list, they're, sadly, just not 'Swell Trip Tape' material in my book. Perhaps I'll revisit them for Swell Trip Tape 2025 or 2030.
In the meantime, let's think about a Plam Poom reunion.