On the anxiety of responding, impatience and quirks gone sour

If there has been one constant and consistent – and incessant – narrative coursing through this blog over the years it has been my ad nauseam ranting and raving about technology. I think it all started with this post from 2010 and from then on, it’s always hard to resist the temptation to have another whinge about technology and its pernicious effects. Perhaps one day I will look at it from the other side and come up with something positive. But for now…

I do realise that ‘technology’ is such a ridiculously broad area to complain about. There are far too many angles to tackle, but there are two trends that worry me the most: the idea that technology is a panacea for so many problems, or what Evgeny Morovoz calls the ‘folly of technological solutionism’, and how impatient it has made [some of] us.

What I’ve been reading

The other day I read ‘How It Became Normal to Ignore Texts and Emails’. The headline alone was enough to make me feel better about life, especially with passages like this, on the topic of texts and instant messaging:

‘…As much as these communication tools are designed to be instant, they are also easily ignored. And ignore them we do. Texts go unanswered for hours or days, emails sit in inboxes for so long that “Sorry for the delayed response” has gone from earnest apology to punchline.’

I’ve lost count of the amount of times I have to start a text or email (or a blog post) with profuse apologies and self-berating for being so slack in my response time. Whether it’s work or personal email, text message or Facebook message, whatever it is, I, along with many others I’m sure, go through this self-inflicted anxiety about responding in a timely manner, and the end result is excessive procrastination and wrenching guilt about keeping people waiting. You, dear reader, may very well be one of the many still waiting for a reply from me, and for that, I can only offer my deepest apologies!

‘The result is the sense that everyone could get back to you immediately, if they wanted to—and the anxiety that follows when they don’t. But the paradox of this age of communication is that this anxiety is the price of convenience. People are happy to make the trade to gain the ability to respond whenever they feel like it.’

I usually find it far more convenient not to be found. My phone – when I choose to use it – exists for my convenience, no one else’s.

What percentage of people always carry their mobile phones around with them – 90, 95% I have no idea, and lest anyone thinks I’m over-generalising here, or potentially ignoring much of the developing world, from my time in Nigeria I can attest that about 90% of the population had a phone. And that was back in 2004, and yes I am extrapolating based on a small(ish) sample size, but I very rarely encountered anyone who didn’t have a phone. Bear in mind that phones are also used as a form of or a means of transferring money in many countries around the world.

But the point is this – half the time I haven’t even got my phone with me. Or if I do, it’s in my bag, or my coat pocket or elsewhere. I go days without checking Facebook at all, and when I do, it’s for 2-3 minutes where often I don’t even notice notifications or messages. Or perhaps, subconsciously, I’m not even looking. Maybe it’s my way of avoiding the guilt it would impose, and the subsequent pressure of having to respond it would lead to.

Work emails are the bane of the modern world – we all know that, yet there’s little we can do about it. And countless articles have been written on this and endless vitriol has been spewed on what a nuisance this is that I feel no need to say more on this.

Lastly:

‘Sometimes people don’t respond as a way of deliberately signaling they’re annoyed, or that they don’t want to continue a relationship…sometimes taking a long time to write back is a way of establishing dominance in a relationship, by making yourself look simply too busy and important to reply.’

Ha! Were I capable of such machinations! I don’t think I am consciously making myself ‘look simply too busy’. It’s more about being old-fashioned and rather lackadaisical when it comes to checking email. Email, FB, my phone…these are the last things I tend to check when I’m going about my ‘business’ in the cyber world.

So, for anyone hanging on for a reply – either I haven’t received your message or I have and have just forgotten or I’ve got too many fingers in other pies or whatever. But the essence of it is this: I find it all so anxiety-inducing. Do others?

Part Two: Impatience

Is this, possibly, the worst vice facing humanity? Do mobiles and computers make us impatient?

Perhaps, if you or I want to read more into this, I’m inwardly rebelling at all the impatience I see around me, and I’m deliberately trying to maintain a sense of calm and balance, and to be as patient as possible. The image of someone walking, carrying stuff, cradling their phone in their neck, not paying attention to where they’re going is symptomatic of so much of what is wrong about modern life. I must admit that when I see people trying to multi-multi-multi-task drop their phone, I secretly hope that they’ve cracked their screen or done at least a smidgeon of damage to it. Walking and talking on mobiles drives me batty and I can barely hold my contempt for those who dare get in my way. It was hard to refrain from cackling the time I saw a woman, in the rain, wearing high heels, carrying an umbrella, a large shopping bag, her handbag, a cigarette in her mouth – don’t get me started on people who walk and smoke! – all whilst talking on her phone, get her heel stuck in a tram track and instead of doing the sensible thing and dropping the cigarette and hanging up the phone, try to pry her heel loose, while cars honked at her. She remained oblivious - and impervious – to the world around her.

One thing at a time. Put everything down. Stop. Take a deep breath. Go somewhere and stay in one place. Make your call, send your text. Pick up your stuff. As you were.

Let this be a learning experience, whether it’s phones or food: a very tenuous link

A couple of weeks ago I was having breakfast in Lviv, and I had limited time and limited options on a cold Sunday morning. Once I had found an open joint I ordered shakshuka. As time ticked away, I started getting a bit nervous and fretting that I’d be late. The food finally arrived and without thinking, I scooped up a large spoonful of tomatoes, peppers and egg and greedily shoved it into my mouth. Immediately the pain seared through my skull and up into my eyes. The whites of the egg stuck to the roof of my mouth and scalded it to the point where my eyes were watering and my mouth went into convulsions. For the rest of the day, I had this feeling of hot, burning egg white stuck to the roof of my mouth. It felt like a combination of papier-mâché, egg white and those Listerine strips all melted into one, and I had this paste-y, gooey feeling all day long, replete with burns and blisters. When speaking, it felt like little flecks of wadded up paper were flying out of my mouth and I spent the day paranoid that I was going to choke on this vile concoction. I’m a baby when it comes to certain amounts of pain, and my pain threshold is very low, but I have to say that burning the roof of your mouth has to be one of the most underrated nasty pains out there. Even now, nearly two weeks after this incident, I’m still not quite 100% and sharp things like nuts still sting and hurt.

At least I wasn’t late for where I had to be.

The lesson? Whether it’s phones or food, patience pays off. Be patient, resist the urge to rush things, and if you’re late or keep someone waiting, so be it.

How quirks quickly get old and annoying

When you arrive in a new country, you start to notice all sorts of kooky quirks and more often than not, in those early, innocent days, you find them amusing and endearing. In Ukraine, it might be things like cars driving and parking on the pavement/sidewalks, massive icicles hanging from buildings ready to penetrate your skull, babushkas paranoid about draughts, old-wives’ tales like ice cream and cold water making you ill, etc, etc.

But oh, how quickly they become grating. They might be funny the first time or two but they quickly turn into an irritation.

I think it was late summer or early autumn of 2011 the first time I heard ‘Last Christmas’ in Ukraine. And it was another summer where I heard ‘The First Noel’ in a supermarket. It prompted a wry chuckle at the time.

But this is getting ridiculous: it’s February, for crying out loud, and there is still Christmas music being played! I will somewhat forgive some of the decorations because we are all, after all, procrastinators to some extent, but it’s well past time for the Christmas tunes to end. I’m not sure if this applies to just foreigners or whether locals feel the same, but over two months of Christmas music is beyond excessive, and after the holidays are over, it’s just downright depressing. I used to love the idea of having ‘two Christmases’ and an extended holiday period, but not anymore. I’m almost longing for Valentine’s Day décor and some soppy music instead. Enough of the Christmas music.

Finally, a wife & cat (& me) gambling update, mercifully short

If you have no interest in our absurd little gambling competition, you can stop reading now. There’s nothing more to see here, go on, go on, move along now…

There’s just one game left, the Super Bowl, and here are the standings:

Olya: 64-48

Me: 57-55

Cat: 56-56

However, in the playoffs, I’m 8-2 and Olya and the cat are both 5-5. And you know it’s the playoffs that count more than anything else, right?

Even though there’s just this one game left, there are two picks to be made: on the point spread, and the over/under on total points scored. The line has moved a bit this week, starting at Patriots (-5.5) over Eagles. It’s now Patriots (-4) and the over/under is 48.5.

If I want to guarantee myself 2^nd place, then I simply wait for the cat to make her picks and then choose exactly the same as her. Or would that be cheating?

Alternatively, for the more casual sports fan, or for those with serious degenerate gambling problems, the Super Bowl features hundreds of what are called ‘prop’ bets. Most of them are football-related, but there are a handful of amusing ones. Just to spice things up, we could choose 4 or 5 of these, giving the cat a good chance of beating me. Here are just a few of the best/most ridiculous:

Pink is singing the national anthem. Will it be over or under 2 minutes?

What colour will her hair be? (white/blonde; pink/red; green; blue/purple; black/brown)

Will she screw up or forget a word?

How many times will [Tom Brady’s wife] Giselle Bundchen be shown on TV? (over/under 1.5)

Will Donovan McNabb's vomiting incident from Super Bowl 39 be mentioned during the broadcast? (regardless or not of whether you know who this is, this is pretty damn funny)

How many times will the Rocky Statue in Philadelphia be shown during the game? (over/under 1)

And there are endless more, including the colour of the Gatorade poured on the winning coach, how many times Donald Trump will tweet during the game and quite a few dealing with Justin Timberlake’s halftime show, with my favourite being ‘will Justin Timberlake do a Prince cover?’ The Super Bowl is in Prince’s home state of Minnesota so I reckon there’s a decent chance he will.

Alright, enough of this babbling nonsense.

My pick: Patriots 30, Eagles 16

(Word count: 2086)

Victory will be mine, little cat. Resistance is futile.